11 Lessons Learned from Expired Friendships

Embracing Change and Growth...

In the Spring of 2013, my husband and I were receiving pre-marital counseling from my cousin, a pastor, who agreed to bless our union by marrying us on September 19, 2013. We went deep into every aspect of our relationship and our individual friendships with people we had known for many years, including our bridal party and guests.

Our wedding day. September 19, 2013

“I’m going to be real with you,” she said. “Most people attending your wedding and your bridal party will not be around 5 - 10 years from now.” My cousin leaned back in her office chair with her arms folded and a serious look on her face. I gave my cousin a hurt and confused gaze.

She continued, “Half the people at my wedding and in my bridal party in 1996 are not around today. Our relationships have either dissolved or changed. Are you ready for that possibility?” My 26-year-old self felt hurt at the thought of my bridal party no longer being in touch with me and possibly not seeing most of my wedding guests for a long time, maybe once a year or every few years.

I looked down at my hands as I pensively twiddled my thumbs, “I guess I have to open myself up to that possibility.” I took a deep sigh and shrugged my shoulders.

Needless to say, my friendships have morphed over the past ten years. Below are a few of my lessons, experiences, and insights:

1. Over the past decade, I've opted for therapy to delve into self-discovery, catalyzing my personal growth.

2. My exploration of spirituality has anchored me, enabling me to discern what aligns best with my values.

3. During this transformative period, I've identified unhealthy patterns and relationships that no longer contribute positively to my life. This realization resulted in the dissolution of several friendships and associations, ultimately leading to a reduction in the size of my social circle. This transformation, however, has provided fertile ground for the cultivation of peace and understanding, which has flourished over time.

4. Through this ongoing journey of change, I've understood that remaining entangled in unhealthy relationships or staying on a stagnant path in life is a conscious choice.

5. It's important to acknowledge that toxicity can exist in friendships, not just romantic relationships.

6. Staying loyal to myself is more important than remaining loyal to friendships that no longer serve me. It’s self-betrayal.

7. Not everyone is meant to accompany me on my journey of personal growth and expansion.

8. I don't need permission to prioritize my well-being, nor do I need to explain why I choose to put myself first.

9. I am not anyone’s therapist, and it’s not my job to fix them.

10. Creating a blueprint of my friendship requirements has enabled me to make informed choices when forming connections and establishing a solid basis for nurturing these relationships.

11. I’ve learned that it’s okay to grieve expired friendships.

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Journal Prompts | Questions to Ponder:

1. How are you holding the change of expired romantic relationships or friendships?

2. Are there any relationships in your circle that are stifling your growth?

3. Are there any unhealthy relationships you’re currently in for the sake of loyalty (For example, a childhood friend or a high school sweetheart)? If so, why are you afraid to let go?

4. Create a blueprint of what you require in your friendships and romantic relationships. Do you align with the blueprint you’ve created?

5. Are you currently grieving any friendships? Make a list of the good qualities you’re grieving and realize that those qualities can be found within yourself.

What lessons have you learned when it comes to your expired relationships? I’d love to read your comments. Sending you big love and astral hugs wherever you’re at in life.