Honoring My Healing Path

One size does not fit all...

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but healing is not a race. There is no universal template for recovery, and I partially blame social media for this sprint to heal. The sprint to be unbothered.

If you’re new to the idea of healing being a journey or if you need a reminder:

It’s okay to be bothered

Healing isn’t supposed to look a certain way

Stop comparing your journey to other people’s journeys

Treat your healing journey as your canvas and paint or whatever tools you’d like to use

It’s okay to heal from the same thing over and over again

I have always been known as “the wellness girl” amongst friends, family, and some folks on the interwebs, but honestly, my healing journey didn’t begin until the spring of 2017. I blacked out in my cubicle at a job that was detrimental to my mental health. My face was full of tears, and I could barely breathe. I was experiencing my first panic attack, and it felt like I was drowning in a sea of darkness.

All of my triggers had risen to the surface at once. My triggers were waiting at my cubicle every morning from Monday through Friday.

As a result of my upbringing, I grappled with the belief that I was overly sensitive, but the emotional landmines within me were detonating. I chose wine and weed to numb my nervous system. My nightmares became more frightening and vivid; I felt like a zombie, and the maggots of depression were feasting on my skin.

While this toxic job had altered me beyond recognition, my husband persevered in loving and supporting me through the anger, confusion, and darkness I was dancing with. My little Yorkshire Terrier, Toro, would often invite himself on my lap, gently resting his head upon my chest as if to convey his awareness of my inner turmoil. He made gentle attempts to offer solace, exuding a heartwarming understanding beyond his tiny frame.

I was unraveling on a daily basis between my cubicle and couch. I made peace with the notion that my unraveling wouldn't unfold like a cinematic scene in an exotic jungle with a shaman or within the tranquil walls of an ancient temple with altars overflowing with flowers. As crazy as this may sound, I believe the unraveling needed to happen as it did.

As my world unraveled, I sought out the guidance of a therapist to help me articulate what I was experiencing. She taught me the Happy Place Meditation or The Five Senses Meditation. She had me describe my favorite place that brings me peace and to name something I can see, touch, feel, hear, and taste. My happy place is an island called Miyajima off the coast of Hiroshima. Tapping into the energy of my happy place has saved me in unimaginable ways.

My Happy Place by Key Ocho. 2018.

After several sessions, we unearthed unresolved childhood traumas and my triggers. My therapist, at the time, had concluded that I had vocational and general anxiety and that I was facing all of my triggers in the workplace with no proper tools to deal with them.

I was dumbfounded. This was the reason why I couldn’t sleep; I was having random panic attacks at home and work. I was dysregulated and numbing my nervous system so that I wouldn’t have to feel like I was constantly in fight or flight mode, which eventually caused adrenal fatigue.

We talked about the ailments that stress can cause and suggested that I reevaluate my career path and do what is best for me and my health. After a couple of years of therapy, going deeper within myself, and planning, I mustered up the courage to exit that soul-sucking job to continue my journey of self-exploration.

After making progress in therapy and leaving my job, I felt like I was meeting myself again for the first time. But, this time, I uncovered the backroads, alleys, and roundabouts of my mind with self-compassion, grace, and understanding.

I could finally breathe

It felt okay to smile again

I felt lighter

The nightmares stopped

I returned to myself, and I returned to my husband and dog

What My Healing Journey Looks Like Today

I created a short Instagram Reel of what my healing journey looks like; you can find that by clicking the button below.

Morning Yoga with Toro. 2023.

Yoga and Breathwork

Embarking on the path of becoming a Yoga and Pranayama Breathwork instructor has been a transformative journey thus far. It has been teaching me the art of tenderly releasing decades of trauma stored within my body, mind, and spirit. Once my training is complete, I look forward to extending my service to those seeking to experience what I have to offer. In the words of Mark Nepo, “When we heal ourselves, we heal the world.”

Meditation

Along with breathwork, meditation is my anchor, anchoring me into the present time. Learning how to find my inner quiet in the midst of chaos has allowed me to strengthen my inner compass. Meditation expands your nervous system capacity and is essential for pre and post-self-care.

Emotional Freedom Technique

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), also referred to as "tapping," is a therapeutic method that involves lightly tapping on particular acupressure points on the body while concentrating on and expressing undesirable thoughts, emotions, or bodily sensations to alleviate emotional pain, lessen unfavorable emotions, and foster emotional well-being, EFT tapping is used.

Writing

As some of you may know, I began writing when I was eight and never stopped. Writing has always been my therapy because I could be myself on the page without judgment or fear and with the freedom to explore without permission. For me, healing looks like sharing more of myself with you and releasing my book in 2024.

The beginning of my healing journey and where I’m at today reminds me that healing is uncomfortable, inconvenient, and neverending. But it’s worth it.

Journal Prompts | Questions to Ponder

1. Reflect on a recent situation or experience that triggered a reaction within you. Can you name this trigger? What did it evoke?

2. Think about a time when you allowed yourself to unravel. What did that look and feel like?

3. What does your healing journey look like?

As always, I’m sending you big love and astral hugs wherever you’re at in life.