Writing through the Tears

Finding Creative Renewal in New Mexico...

I embarked on a 7-hour journey from Arizona to New Mexico for a writing retreat to share my love for writing and form new connections. However, I encountered unexpected heart work, leaving me feeling exposed, sensitive, and open—emotions I typically keep guarded unless I'm in my home, confiding in a friend, or speaking with my therapist. I've been writing since the tender age of eight, and surprisingly, the energy of my eight-year-old self held my hand as I stepped across the threshold into this remarkable experience.

The threshold at A Writing Room Retreat

“Don’t be afraid!” exclaimed my eight-year-old voice. “You’re not an imposter! We’ve been writing for a long time! The world is waiting for you! Show them who you are!”.

I held my breath as if I were on the verge of submerging myself in the ocean, but, to my surprise, I found myself floating through the waves of adventure and curiosity.

I eagerly anticipated receiving wisdom from Alex Elle, Julia Cameron, Anne Lamott, SARK, and more. Along with this wisdom, I surprisingly encountered having my heart held and answering questions that only I knew the answers to. I hugged, cried, and connected with strangers that I consider unforgettable connections.

This is the first time I allowed myself to be vulnerable in front of over 300 people; it was terrifying at first, but it felt good to be witnessed and seen as the wise, powerful, and vulnerable writer I am.

I wept tears of joy and sorrow

tears of release

I cried from my heart

I laughed and warmly embraced fellow writers

Unfamiliar faces became the community I had been longing for

It was the first time in a while that I was welcomed into a room with inquiries from others about my true self, passions, and heart. I encountered authenticity, a rarity in a world often consumed by superficiality. Space was created to leave my anxiety at the door and be myself.

Throughout the retreat, I penned my thoughts amidst tears of both joy and grief. I revisited memories that explained why I had restrained my true self as a writer. These agonizing emotions emerged from the depths of my childhood into the present moment. I allowed my pen and emotions to flow anyway.

I showed up for my inner child by taking the stage to share my poetry and pitch a workshop proposal for next year’s retreat. I felt like I had stepped into a portal, enabling me to embark on a journey of self-healing.

I was reading my poetry onstage with A Writing Room Co-Founder Jacob Nordby.

I confessed to SARK that sometimes I procrastinate on writing.

I feel the need to be profound and to wrap it in a pretty bow because I’m writing what I needed to hear as a teenager and don’t want to lead anyone astray. In so many words, she encouraged me to release procrastination and affirmed that it’s not my responsibility for others to receive my work in a certain way. SARK’s words of encouragement washed over me as if I were being baptized. A warm embrace from her sealed the promise to myself.

SARK is sharing insights about my need to be profound.

Alex Elle helped me and others to tap into who we are as we explored the tender spots of our hearts and expressed our true self-worth. Although I struggle with being seen as I fully am, for the first time, I didn’t care about being seen, and it felt liberating.

Alex Elle is sharing her wisdom.

Julia Cameron shared her creative journey and wisdom on the practice of morning pages and the importance of artist dates; she read us a couple of poems and sang a song.

Julia Cameron & Jacob Nordby

As someone who identifies as an introvert and isn’t too keen on being around large groups of people, this is the first time I could comfortably breathe in a room full of unique energies and personalities. The essence of this retreat felt like a blend of creative therapy and the exhilaration of crowd-surfing amid hundreds of kindred spirits. It's a euphoric sensation that will remain imprinted on my heart.

Quotes | Questions to Ponder

• “Tell me a story, make me care” - Anne Lamott

• “Who am I, really?” -

  Alex Elle

• “When you make a piece of art, you’re dipping into an inner well'“ -Julia Cameron

• “The only thing that’s dangerous is if you don’t let your gifts be known” - SARK